Family Humor 014

Cairo: Ate, anong pangarap mo sa buhay mo? Yung pinaka gusto mo matupad

Rosaleee: Marami

Cairo: Isa lang.

Rosaleee: Ummm....mag out of the world!

Domjullian: ???

Domjullian: Around the world, tanga!

Rosaleee: Ay oo nga koya, yun pala...around the world.

Cairo: Akala ko trip mo mag planet hopping e.

Family Humor 013

Habang nagluluto kami ni Manang.

Rosaleee: Manang, may niluto daw po ba kayong may sabaw?

Manang: Wala

Rosaleee: (nahulog yung kinukuhang tissue) AY POKI!

Manang: Ayan may sabaw yan!

Domjullian: ***Nganga***

Boy Banat 001

Habang nag di drinking session, dinidigahan ni boy tropa si girl tropa:


Boy tropa: view ka ba?


Girl tropa: baaaakkeeettt?


Boy tropa: side view, front view, back view....i love you!


*Hagalpak sa tawa*


humirit si girl tropa




Girl tropa: may nakalimutan ka!


Boy tropa: anooo?








Girl tropa: FUCK YOU!!!!








supalpal si boy tropa.

Family Humor 012

At home...awhile ago


Ate talking to eldest son


Ate: eldest son, tignan mo yung mata mo namamaga na kakapuyat, kaka computer.


sumabat si middle son...


Middle son: Mommy, ako namamaga din ba mata ko?


Ate: Hinde....buong katawan mo namamaga kakakain.

Family Humor 011

Cairo: Dad, si Winnie the pooh babagsak yung sa spelling kasi nakalagay sa lalagyan nya ng noney e "hunny"


Domjullian: *tingin lang kay Cairo*


Cairo: Ganun talaga siguro no dad...pag walang salawal


Domjullian: Laugh out loud

Family Humor 010

Kuya talking to my niece: Bakit ka nagpakulot? Lalo ka masasaktan kapag sinabunutan ka ng mommy (my eldest sister) mo. Joke!

Family Humor 009

Habang nanonood ng TV:


Rosaleee: Kukooo...kukooo...grabe...kukoooo

Domjullian: Anong nangyari sa kuko mo???

Rosaleee: Koya si Kukooo...si Kukooo Marten ang pogeeee.

Family Humor 008

Scene: sa isang toy store, tinawagan ni Rosaleee ang nanay niya using her mobile (take note, tinawagan, mayaman!, super lakas ng boses, dinig hanggang samen.

Rosaleee: Mama, meron na bang tau-tauhan na laruan si Francis (her nephew)? 

Paused for a while, listening to her mom.

Rosaleee: Tau-tauhan! Yung Daffy Duck, Donald Duck?! Ganun!

Cairo: Dad, tao ba si Daffy duck?

Domjullian: &5*)&%!# mo! Tau-tauhan daffy duck, donald duck? tao ba yon? ha? ha? ha?

Rosalee: Ano ba dapat? Sponge bob?

Sarap lang iwan.

Family Humor 007

Cairo: Dad, when are you getting married?


Domjullian: why son?


Cairo: Baka kasi magkasabay pa tayo!


Domjullian: WTF!!! 

100 Things I Learned in Life

1. Dapat mag-aral ka at magtapos ka sa kolehiyo kung may pagkakataon at oportunidad. Passport mo yan for a good life. Good life, I didn't say better.
2. It’s a crime to forget the past. There are things/memories worth remembering. Vital yan para malaman mo kung naging mas mabuti o masama kang tao ngayon kesa noon.
3. Bawal magkasakit lalo na kung walang pera at wala naman talagang sakit.
4. Madalas hindi lahat ng tanong kailangang sagutin. Mas madalas hindi kailangang magtanong para makakuha ng sagot.
5. Manalig kay Bro. Wala kang choice lalo na kapag may hihilingin ka at gusto mo itong makuha. Faith is substancial.
6. Exciting pag sweldo, kaso nawawala ang excitement kapag wala kang sinuweldo sa dami ng deductions.
7. You need friends.
8. Your presence means a lot, lalo na sa mga bata.
9. Parents can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Depende yan sayo.
10. Masaya mag stargazing.
11. Everything has a reason kahit minsan hindi natin matanggap yung reason.
12. When the cat is away, the mouse will play, kahit sobrang pangit ng mouse at nung pine-play.
13. You can never be too young or too old.
14. Lahat ng bagay may opportunity cost.
15. Lahat nagkaka tanga moment, lalo na pag in-love.
16. Kahit anong ganda ng social networking site, mag sasawa at magsasawa ka din.
17. Iwasan magkaroon ng utang na loob, lalo na sa kamag-anak. Mas iwasan magkaroon ng utang na pera.
18. Mall is a good, cold place. Makakalimutan mo minsan na may problema ka.
19. Kahit anong brand ay may fake counterpart.
20. Mas maraming drama ang buhay kesa sa teleserye sa TV.Spontaneous and unpredictable pa.
21. Mahirap hindi manlait ng kapwa.
22. Hindi cool ang mga taong naka false teeth tapos may retainer o braces. Kadiri na malansa pa tignan. Kaya maganda alagaan ang ngipin, nakakadiri humalik sa taong naka pustiso lalo na pag bad ang hygiene nya. *See item # 21*
23. OK magbasa ng libro. Marami kang matututuhan na hindi mo pa alam. Reading will make you less ignorant.
24. Beneficial ang pagdadala ng ballpen, panyo, libro, alcohol, wet wipes at diatabs sa bag.
25. Walang magandang dulot ang pagrerebelde kahit sa sarili mo.
26. Walang kwenta ang fire at eartquake drills, hindi ito ang nagiging actual scenario pag merong fire or earthquake.
27. Mahirap sabihin na napatawad mo na ang isang tao kahit hindi pa pala. Mahirap magpatawad sa hindi deserving patawarin.
28. Useful sa everyday life ang jokes, kahit corny.
29. Pag feeling mo ang isang bagay ay mali, kadalasan mali yun. Vice versa.
30. No matter what, right is always right.
31. Life is not just a simple four letter word.
32. Makinig sa matatanda, marami silang tips kahit hindi lahat ay applicable sa present life natin ngayon.
33. Masaya hindi pumasok sa school or work. Basta holiday.
34. Dangerous ang drugs. Promise.
35. It’s ok to be insane sometimes, siguraduhin mo lang na babalik ka sa sanity mo. Huwag tularan si Marlene Aguilar.
36.  Masarap matulog at kumain. *bow*
37. Mahirap din minsan ang walang ginagawa. Nakaka bored na nakaka bobo pa. Try something.
38. Astig manood ng teleserye. Malalaman mong meron ka palang thinking brain.
39. Nakakamatay minsan ang pag iinarte. May limit ang pagiging maarte, hanggang 9 years old lang dapat.
40. Maraming mandurugas sa palagid, minsan kadugo mo pa.
41. Handle women with care.
42. Good read ang “Bible”.
43. Speaking straight English with accent is NOT synonymous to well-educated.
44. May mga bagay at pagkakataon sa buhay na gusto mong balikan pero hindi na pwede. Galingan mo na lang sa mga darating.
45. Math is useful to everyday life kahit hate natin ang Math.
46. Alam natin ang masama sa mabuti. But we never learn.
47. May mga lihim na hindi nabubunyag, siguraduhin mo lang na ikaw lang talaga ang nakaka-alam nito.
48. Aprub maging paranoid minsan.
49. Hindi lang Ilocano ang barat. Minsan mas barat pa yung mga hindi Ilocano.
50. Pwede mong sundin ang instinct mo.
51. Older doesn’t mean better.
52. Masarap dagukan ang mga nagfoforward ng mga chain letters sa email.
53. Mahaba pero relaxing ang byahe papuntang Ilocos. Kung nature lover ka, ma aappreciate mo ang ganda ng tanawin habang naglalakbay.
54. Vinegar kills bacteria.
55. People can’t walk the talk most of the time.
56. Sobrang laki ni Sharon Cuneta ngayon yet well-loved pa rin cyang mga fans. Mahal natin ang isang tao beyond his/her imperfections.
57. Madaming madaming madami kang matutunan sa mga bata.
58. There is a power greedy goddess wannabe in the Philippines. And she has a money greedy husband.
59. Don’t judge the book by its cover. Karamihan ng libro naka-cover ng gift wrapper at plastic.
60. Don’t be such as bad employee. Performance ratings would come to haunt you.
61. Maraming tao ang tanga at hindi nag iisip. Single proof? Jamby Madrigal won as Senator. Pero may hangganan ang katanganhan kung gugustuhin mo.
62. Ang tao ay constitutionally free.
63. There are social and cultural norms and practices that may be explicit or implicit.
64. Matagal mamatay ang masamang damo. Kita mo nakalabas na ng hospital si Mike Arroyo.
65. It always takes two to tango.
66. Ang “I did not there never go” ay grammatically correct. I swear.
67. There is such a thing as care. Others don’t know it exists.
68. Mag-abot ng bayad ng pasahero sa driver. Remember the golden rule.
69. Sixty-nine is not just a number.
70. Hindi matamis ang resulta kapag binaligtad mo ang desserts.
71. It’s not always just right or wrong. Minsan modified right or wrong.
72. Walang pagkakaiba ang dark blue at black sa color blind.
73. Every child is a blessing from above.
74. “There’s a rainbow always after the rain” is not true, there’s always flood.
75. Hindi lahat ng bawal ay masama, kadalasan, sobrang sama.
76. Masarap kausap ang sarili.
77. Hindi bragging right ang pagtambay ng madalas sa Starbucks.
78. Hindi mo mararamdaman ang “comfort” at “rest” sa comfortroom at sa restroom.
79. Exercise is good for you.
80. Kakaiba ka kung inaantok ka pagkatapos mo matulog ng kumpletong oras o gising na gising ka pagkatapos mo matulog ng less than 5 hours.
81. Mahirap maging alarm clock ang ingay ng bunganga ng kapitbahay.
82. Maraming levels ang hell at hell means HELL.
83. Masama magmura. It’s bad for the soul.
84. Di dahil hindi masarap ang pagkain, ibig sabihin wala ng kakain non. Walang hindi masarap sa taong gutom.
85. Farmville ang pinakamadaling way para matupad ang pangarap mong maging magsasaka at yumaman, konting click lang ng mouse ang puhunan.
86. Mas maganda ang google kesa sa yahoo when it comes to searching.
87. You have to have a stand. Either pro ka or con. Hindi pwedeng deadma o neutral. Thanks UP!
88. Philippines still has a surreal charm regardless of its present situation.
89. Joyride is really fun. It’s a stress reliever.
90. Drinking alcohol might be harmful and dangerous. Drink moderately or don’t drink at all.
91. Never underestimate the power of prayer.
92. It pays to know the law and apply it.
93. Hindi totoo na walang nawawala sa pagsunod sa mga paniniwala at pamahiin, meron – yung faith natin kay Bro.
94. There are things you have to let go kahit may sentimental value pa. Applicable din sa tao.
95. Walang lasa ang dragon fruit. Ano ang dragon fruit? See item# 86.
96. Masturbation is better than sex, in some ways.
97. Sakit ang pagiging narrow minded. Nakakahawa at epidemic.
98. “Even if one does not believe in God, suicide is not legitimate” – Albert Camus.
99. Masarap maligo sa ulan at magtampisaw sa ulan na parang bata.
100. Mahirap mag-isip ng 100 Things I Learned in Life habang nasa eroplano.

Family Humor 006

Excerpt from Cairo’s YM conversation with his beloved:

Athena: Gusto ko yung sa highschool musical, ikaw ni Troy, ako si Gabriella.

Cairo: Ayoko nun, gusto ko ako si Robbie, ikaw si Gwen. Yung sa Kung tayo’s magkakalayo.

Athena: ***Cluesless***. Hindi nanonood ng teleserye.

Laughtrip. Kumi kimerald ang anak ko, manang-mana sa tatay.

Nagtago ako para mabasa lang yan. After nun, tinatawag ko ng Troy or Bolton (Zac Efron as Troy Bolton sa Highschool Musical) si Cairo. Nagulat cya at nagalit kasi nag cheat daw ako, binasa ko daw ym conversation nila. Hindi daw cya may pakana nun kundi si Athena.

Inis na inis at asar na asar si Cairo. Tawa naman ako ng tawa.

Nung tinawag kong Robbie, ngumiti ng pagkatamis tamis. Mas gusto talaga nya ang Kimerald.

Family Humor 005

Habang nasa phone ako talking to someone after a family drinking spree:




Domjullian: *Blabbering*


Cairo: Dad tigilan mo nga yan mga pinagsasasabi mo. Lasing ka lang! You're out of your mind!


Domjullian: *Tumahimik at natulog na lang*

Family Humor 004

Mom: Cairo, bihis ka simba tayo with lolo

Cairo: Bakit tayo mag sisimba? Dahil ba marami tayong kasalanan?

Mom: Oo, kaya magbihis ka na. It’s Mama Mary’s birthday today.

Cairo: Ibig sabihin si daddy walang gaano kasalanan kasi minsan lang cya nag sisimba?

Mom: Hahahaha!

Bring it on mom!


PS: Nag mass ako kasama ng anak ko at ng parents ko. Medyo di ko napigilan manlait kasi andaming bloopers, like, may concert queen sa likod ko na kanta ng kanta e mali mali naman lyrics at tono.

Family Humor 003

Kinuwento ng chismoso kong anak na mag pupunta kaming Tagaytay bukas kasi nga babawi ako sa anak ko dahil naging busy ako nung mga nakaraang araw. Kaya ang ending, pinatapon ng kuya ko yung isang anak nya dito sa bahay para sumama sa amin.


Nakita ni Leroy na umiihi si nephew. Niloko ni Leroy. Maliit daw peterpan ni nephew.


Leroy: Nephew, bakit anliit ng peterpan mo?

Nephew: Hindi maliit yan, lalaki pa yan

Domjullian: Patingin nga

Nephew: O ayan (pinakita si peterpan)

Cairo: Kailangan pa ng magnifying glass para makita.

Nephew: Hindi, ayan nakikita ko pa nga e. (Medyo mataba kasi ni nephew)

Leroy: Ikaw nga Cairo, pakita mo yung sayo para i compare natin sino mas malaki sa inyong dalawa

Cairo: **pinakita naman si peterpan** sabay hirit: Laruin mo kasi. Tignan mo si peterpan ko malaki na kasi sabi ni daddy laruin ko daw para lumaki.

Domjullian: **walkout**, nabuking kung ano anong tinuturo sa anak**

Leroy: **sumakit tyan kakatawa**

Cairo & Nephew: Tinuloy lang ang usapang peterpan.

Family Humor 002

Habang nag ba bake kami ng cookies kagabi ng kapatid kong si Leroy:

Leroy: Cairo, kuha mo ko ng 3 eggs sa ref.

Cairo: *Punta sa ref tas kuha ng eggs*

Pagbalik

Cairo: Tito pag wala ka ng eggs gamitin mo yung eggs ni daddy.

Leroy & Domjullian: *Nagtinginan na lang* Grrrrrrrr


PS: Cairo's only 9. Pramis di ako naturo sa kanya nyan.

Family Humor 001

My left eyelid’s been twitching for the past few days so I called up kuya #3 (a doctor) to ask what’s happening with my eyelid.


Domjullian: Kuya yung eyelid ko tumitibok-tibok.

Kuya #3: Huh? Panong tumitibok?

Domjullian: Ewan ko. Nag tu-twitch cya involuntarily. Ano yun?

Kuya #3: Ewan ko baka stress ka lang. Kasi andaming mong ginagawa. Lagi ka pang nakaharap sa computer kaya ayan. Blah…blah…blah…(Dami pa nyang sinabing kung ano ano a hindi ko na pinakinggan.Nag tanong lang ako, sinermunan pa ko).

Domjullian: Ano gagawin ko?

Kuya #3: Tatanong ko kay Alden (yung friend/classmate nya sa Med school na optometrist). Lagyan mo muna ng hot compress at ipatingin mo na yan.

Domjullian: Ah ok! Cge pautang ng pera pang patingin.

Kuya #3: Gago! (sabay bagsak ng telepono).


After 10 seconds, tinawagan ko ulit si Kuya #3


Domjullian: Ba’t mo ko binagsakan ng telepono? Para nangungutang lang.

Kuya #3: E kasi...(toot*toot*toot*).

Binagsakan ko din cya ng telepono para quits.


After an hour... nag sumbong si kuya #3 sa mommy ko

Mommy: Bat ka nangungutang sa kuya mo? Wala ka ng pera? Blah…blah…blah(naglitanya din cya, di ko na narinig yung ibang sinabi nya kasi nag co concentrate ako panonood ng Tayong Dalawa with my son).


Domjullian: Jino joke ko lang cya. Nag ti twitch yung eyelid ko, what do you think?

Mommy: (A doctor too) Lagi ka kasing nasa computer pag wala, nanonood ka ng TV…blah…blah…blah…litanya marathon ulit. Tas sa huli...inunahan mo pa ko mangutang sa kuya mo di tuloy ako naka hirit.

Domjullian: ***kunot noo***

Son: ***Kunwari nanonood pero napakatalas ng tenga nun aka chismosong bubwit***


After my mom left.


Son: Wala ka ng pera?

Domjullian: Meron, jino joke ko lang si tito. Sumbungero yung tito mong yun.

Son: May pera ako galing kay mommy, pautangin na lang kita. Pero may tubo. ***devil smile***

Domjullian: *Major headache*, malapit na masiraan ng ulo

Rejected Hallmark Cards

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....

(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....

(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....

(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....

(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...

(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....

(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...

(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....

(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...

(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....

(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....

(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...

(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

1 7. Congrats on getting married...

(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...

(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...

(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

20. Love means never having to say "I'm Sorry"...

(Inside card) - I'm sorry, I don't love you at all.

Body Talk

A pretty fun and fascinating collection of body trivia.
This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why we were designed the way we were. Got this as a forwarded mail from one of the witty professors I know in UP.

1. Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
2. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
3. You use 200 muscles to take one step.
4. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
5. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.
6. A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.
7. A full bladder is roughly the size of a softball.
8. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.
9. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
10. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
11. The average human dream lasts 23 seconds.
12. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.
13. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.
14. There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
15. Your body gives off enough heat in 3020 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.
16. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.
17. Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
18. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
19. Your thumb is the same length of your nose.
20. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test...

Now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well!

(Or don't, I don't push people to forward emails, but you totally measured your thumb next to your nose!!!! Don't deny it!)

Joke Time

Para naman medyo gumaan ang paki ramdam natin...mabulunan sana mag comment ng corny...joke!

Prospective Employer to Applicant: ' So why did you leave your previous job?'

Applicant: ' The company relocated and they did not tell me where!'

Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?

Mister: Guni-guni!

Nanay: Ano 'tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?

Anak: Hindi po 'yan zero, 'Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang 'yan, 'Nay, promise!

Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo....dito lang ako... dito lang talaga ako...tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako.

Juan:Birthday ng asawa ko...

Pedro:Ano regalo mo?

Juan:Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.

Pedro:Ano naman sinabi?

Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.

Pedro: Ano binigay mo?

Juan: Baraha.

When in Doubt, Masturbate...

Warning: If you’re below 13. Please don’t attempt to read. Portions in here contain some lessons you shouldn’t know by now. Go back after a year or two, to be safe. I don’t want to see your parents nagging me here.


There are a lot of really good reasons why.Here’s some:

For married guys especially, instead of committing adultery, this is safer. Saves you from being kicked out of the house in the wee hours of the night. For guys in relationship, this will keep you faithful (Semper Fidelis!). Its also guilt free.

For health reasons, we can never tell if a person carries sexually transmitted diseases by staring at her boobs or her butt. It will also prevent you from spreading it!

No costs involve. You don’t have to go the motel or pay a prostitute or buy some flavored condom. You don’t have to go out of the house either; bathroom is just a few steps away.Hahaha.
Its chismis safe, you can never go wrong. Hahaha! Keeps the neighbors’ eyes away and mouths shut.

Effective way of family planning without having to withdraw or use contraceptives.Aw!

Well, girls can also do the same (suggestion lang at bawal ma offend). Instead of fooling around, this actually might help for both parties.

I think psychologists/psychiatrists would agree on me about this but definitely not the church people. I don’t care about them anyway.

There are still so many reasons I can think of but I need to end this up. The bathroom is enticing me.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!