Cairo: Ate, anong pangarap mo sa buhay mo? Yung pinaka gusto mo matupad
Rosaleee: Marami
Cairo: Isa lang.
Rosaleee: Ummm....mag out of the world!
Domjullian: ???
Domjullian: Around the world, tanga!
Rosaleee: Ay oo nga koya, yun pala...around the world.
Cairo: Akala ko trip mo mag planet hopping e.
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Monday, July 15, 2013
Family Humor 013
Habang nagluluto kami ni Manang.
Rosaleee: Manang, may niluto daw po ba kayong may sabaw?
Manang: Wala
Rosaleee: (nahulog yung kinukuhang tissue) AY POKI!
Manang: Ayan may sabaw yan!
Domjullian: ***Nganga***
Rosaleee: Manang, may niluto daw po ba kayong may sabaw?
Manang: Wala
Rosaleee: (nahulog yung kinukuhang tissue) AY POKI!
Manang: Ayan may sabaw yan!
Domjullian: ***Nganga***
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Mixed Nuts 002
Yipeee! Tim Yap no more na ako, wala na yung malaking pimple at pimplets na tumubo sa may noo ko 2 days ago. Ewan ko kung dahil yun sa excessive mano dito, mano doon sa mga elder relatives I did during my lola's birthday or dun sa pagkain ko ng peanuts everyday. Grabe yun, literal ata na napudpod ang noo ko, parang every 1 minute routine ko na mag mano dito, mano doon.
Speaking of Tim Yap face, naalala ko yung prof ko dati sa Math. The whole class literally froze in shock upon seeing her. Akala namin nasa "Night of the Living Dead" movie kami. Hehehe. Basta, I heard everybody prayed that time: 1. deliver us from evil and 2. Thank God and thank genes hindi kami as Tim Yap as her. One time, umuulan, pumasok cya ng walang make-up, halos atakihin kami sa puso sa takot. Iba pa pala hitsura nya pag walang make up, Tim Yap multiplied to forever, ganyan! Buti na lang she's oozing with brain powers and superb mathematical ability, otherwise, napaka malas nyang tao. Ang bad ko talaga.
Nakapanood ako ng "The Proposal" the other day, salamat Niki boy sa pirated yet malinaw na copy na pinahiram mo sa akin. Ryan Reynolds (corrected by Kuri, thanks, henyo ka talaga) & Sandra Bullock - Hooray!
Since QC day kahapon and Cairo's school is located in QC, wala cyang pasok, ako din walang pasok kaso ka malas malasan dahil wala talaga akong pasok ng Wednesday. We're able to bond well. Daddy duty again. Sinama ko cya sa aming quasi-peasant office, yup, nag wo work din ako minsan. Had lunch then nag work ako while Cairo answered the riddles and other mind boggling questions I gave him para di cya mainip at mag tantrums. After office duty, nag time zone kami. Nag enjoy naman anak ko, ako hindi.
Pag uwi, ayun nag basketball kami with his ninongs Leroy and Ker. Talo kami since di pa masyadong magaling mag basketball si Cairo and maliit pa cya compared to his two skyscraper ninongs.
Wattaday! Sarap maging daddy!
PS: I’m not referring to Tim Yap, the eventologist. Tim Yap’s a lait code short for Tang Inang Mukha Yan Ang Pangit! Kaya pag may nagsabi sa iyong you look like Tim Yap, bigwasan mo agad.
Speaking of Tim Yap face, naalala ko yung prof ko dati sa Math. The whole class literally froze in shock upon seeing her. Akala namin nasa "Night of the Living Dead" movie kami. Hehehe. Basta, I heard everybody prayed that time: 1. deliver us from evil and 2. Thank God and thank genes hindi kami as Tim Yap as her. One time, umuulan, pumasok cya ng walang make-up, halos atakihin kami sa puso sa takot. Iba pa pala hitsura nya pag walang make up, Tim Yap multiplied to forever, ganyan! Buti na lang she's oozing with brain powers and superb mathematical ability, otherwise, napaka malas nyang tao. Ang bad ko talaga.
Nakapanood ako ng "The Proposal" the other day, salamat Niki boy sa pirated yet malinaw na copy na pinahiram mo sa akin. Ryan Reynolds (corrected by Kuri, thanks, henyo ka talaga) & Sandra Bullock - Hooray!
Since QC day kahapon and Cairo's school is located in QC, wala cyang pasok, ako din walang pasok kaso ka malas malasan dahil wala talaga akong pasok ng Wednesday. We're able to bond well. Daddy duty again. Sinama ko cya sa aming quasi-peasant office, yup, nag wo work din ako minsan. Had lunch then nag work ako while Cairo answered the riddles and other mind boggling questions I gave him para di cya mainip at mag tantrums. After office duty, nag time zone kami. Nag enjoy naman anak ko, ako hindi.
Pag uwi, ayun nag basketball kami with his ninongs Leroy and Ker. Talo kami since di pa masyadong magaling mag basketball si Cairo and maliit pa cya compared to his two skyscraper ninongs.
Wattaday! Sarap maging daddy!
PS: I’m not referring to Tim Yap, the eventologist. Tim Yap’s a lait code short for Tang Inang Mukha Yan Ang Pangit! Kaya pag may nagsabi sa iyong you look like Tim Yap, bigwasan mo agad.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Monday, October 6, 2008
Tawanan Muna Tayo
galing sa suking internet
Have you seen a person with a killer smile, innocent eyes, sweet face, irresistible body and devastating sex appeal?
Sa Tagalog:
"Nakita mo na ba ako?!"
"When you want to make a difference… subtract."
In a normal person, the heart beats 70 times a minute, 100,800 times a day, 40 million times a year! During a single day, a ventricle pumps about 11,000 quarts or 265 million quarts a lifetime.
RELEVANCE? Ang SIPAG ng heart!
Pero… shit! Tanga naman…
"Hindi ako DINOSAUR! Hindi! Hindi! Hindi!" – THESAURUS
"Hindi lahat ng almusal ay nakabubusog." – SERMON
Adora: Mare, kumusta ang sexlife ninyo ni pare?
Lourdes: Parang suweldo sa opisina, tuwing kinsenas at katapusan lang. Kaya madalas na bumabale ako sa mga kaibigan niya!
HONEYMOON…
Groom: Hon, ok lang bang pasukin ko ang hindi pa napapasok ng iba?
Bride: Ha? Hindi kaya mabingi ako?
Misis: Bakit gabi ka na?
Mister: Pasensya na. Nagyaya ang officemates ko. Nagkainuman lang.
Misis: Lasing ka, ‘no?!
Mister: Hindi!
Misis: Anong hindi?! Wala ka namang trabaho, paano ka nagkaroon ng officemates?
"Biktima rin kami ng abortion." –BALUT
"Hindi lahat ng klase ng dugo, pwedeng i-donate." – REGLA
Honeymoon…
Groom: Hon, bakit malungkot ka? Hindi ka ba masaya na pinakasalan kita maski dati kang GRO?
Bride: Iniisip ko lang, hon… tuwing magtatalik tayo, hindi mo na ako babayaran. Sayang din kasi…
Kapag maraming nang-aaway sa ‘yo, tawagin mo lang ako at sabay nating sabihin…
"Kapangyarihan ng taba, taglay ay mantika! Kambal na biik, kami ang… SUPER PIGS!"
"Ganyan ba talaga ang tingin mo sa akin? Kailangan mo lang ako kapag nag-iinit ang katawan mo?!" – THERMOMETER
Have you seen a person with a killer smile, innocent eyes, sweet face, irresistible body and devastating sex appeal?
Sa Tagalog:
"Nakita mo na ba ako?!"
"When you want to make a difference… subtract."
In a normal person, the heart beats 70 times a minute, 100,800 times a day, 40 million times a year! During a single day, a ventricle pumps about 11,000 quarts or 265 million quarts a lifetime.
RELEVANCE? Ang SIPAG ng heart!
Pero… shit! Tanga naman…
"Hindi ako DINOSAUR! Hindi! Hindi! Hindi!" – THESAURUS
"Hindi lahat ng almusal ay nakabubusog." – SERMON
Adora: Mare, kumusta ang sexlife ninyo ni pare?
Lourdes: Parang suweldo sa opisina, tuwing kinsenas at katapusan lang. Kaya madalas na bumabale ako sa mga kaibigan niya!
HONEYMOON…
Groom: Hon, ok lang bang pasukin ko ang hindi pa napapasok ng iba?
Bride: Ha? Hindi kaya mabingi ako?
Misis: Bakit gabi ka na?
Mister: Pasensya na. Nagyaya ang officemates ko. Nagkainuman lang.
Misis: Lasing ka, ‘no?!
Mister: Hindi!
Misis: Anong hindi?! Wala ka namang trabaho, paano ka nagkaroon ng officemates?
"Biktima rin kami ng abortion." –BALUT
"Hindi lahat ng klase ng dugo, pwedeng i-donate." – REGLA
Honeymoon…
Groom: Hon, bakit malungkot ka? Hindi ka ba masaya na pinakasalan kita maski dati kang GRO?
Bride: Iniisip ko lang, hon… tuwing magtatalik tayo, hindi mo na ako babayaran. Sayang din kasi…
Kapag maraming nang-aaway sa ‘yo, tawagin mo lang ako at sabay nating sabihin…
"Kapangyarihan ng taba, taglay ay mantika! Kambal na biik, kami ang… SUPER PIGS!"
"Ganyan ba talaga ang tingin mo sa akin? Kailangan mo lang ako kapag nag-iinit ang katawan mo?!" – THERMOMETER
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Rejected Hallmark Cards
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking
11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me
15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.
16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.
1 7. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
18. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
20. Love means never having to say "I'm Sorry"...
(Inside card) - I'm sorry, I don't love you at all.
someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.
7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...
Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking
11. I'm so miserable without you...
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
12. Thank you for being part of my life.....
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
14. How can I say this....
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me
15. Hooray.....
(Inside card) - You're divorced.
16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.
1 7. Congrats on getting married...
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
18. Someday I hope to marry...
(Inside card) - Someone other than you.
19. We have been friends for a very long time...
(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?
20. Love means never having to say "I'm Sorry"...
(Inside card) - I'm sorry, I don't love you at all.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Joke Time
Para naman medyo gumaan ang paki ramdam natin...mabulunan sana mag comment ng corny...joke!
Prospective Employer to Applicant: ' So why did you leave your previous job?'
Applicant: ' The company relocated and they did not tell me where!'
Misis: Darling, ano ang tawag sa isang asawa na sexy, maganda, hindi selosa, mapagmahal, masipag, mapagkalinga, masarap magluto?
Mister: Guni-guni!
Nanay: Ano 'tong malaking zero sa test paper mo?
Anak: Hindi po 'yan zero, 'Nay. Naubusan lang ng star ang teacher ko kaya binigyan niya ako ng moon! Moon lang 'yan, 'Nay, promise!
Kapag may kaaway ka, tandaan mo....dito lang ako... dito lang talaga ako...tapos dyan ka lang, wag kang pupunta dito! Baka madamay ako.
Juan:Birthday ng asawa ko...
Pedro:Ano regalo mo?
Juan:Tinanong ko kung ano gusto niya.
Pedro:Ano naman sinabi?
Juan: Kahit ano basta may DIAMOND.
Pedro: Ano binigay mo?
Juan: Baraha.
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