Friday, April 9, 2010

Parenting 101 (From Domjullian's POV)

Hindi ako expert when it comes to parenting. I’m far from being a perfect father. I’m also not sure kung dapat ako magbigay ng advices sa mga future fathers dahil hindi ko naman talaga alam kung tama yung pagpapalaki na ginagawa ko sa anak ko. Well, wala naman tamang formula kung papaano magpalaki ng bata, minsan you have to rely sa instinct, minsan you really have to seek help from the lolos and lolas as they know better. Just want to share some pieces of advice kung papano ang ginagawa kong pagapapalaki sa anak ko: 


1. Honesty. Being a single parent, I have to tell everything to my son. As in everything. May perfect time para dyan, maaring sa simula, confuse ang bata at hindi nya maintindihan lahat but we have to tell the realities of life at kung anong sitwasyon meron. Nararamdaman ng bata kung may tinatago ka sa kanila o wala. At sooner or later malalaman at malalaman din ng bata ang kalagayan nya at sa tingin ko mas maganda na magulang ang magpaliwanag, pag sa iba nalaman yun may dagdag ng kwento. Sa mga hindi single parent, blessed kayo dahil mababawasan ang complications and problems. 

We should also be honest enough to accept that we can’t do it alone. Kailangan natin ng tulong nina lolo and lola at times. Isama mo na rin ang mga tips and lessons na natutuhan nila. They’ve been around longer than us so I’m sure well learned na sila sa ganyan. Don’t hestitate to ask for help from them. Yaya can help, help lang ha, hindi ipakaako kay yaya lahat. 


2. Communication. Open one ofcourse. Eto natutunan ko sa parents ko at ina-apply ko din ngayon sa anak ko. Nung bata pa kami, allowed kami mag voice ng opinion, allowed kami mangatwiran pero sa tamang paraan, in short my freedom of speech. Naging habit na namin lahat na mag kwento kung anong significant event/s ang nangyari sa bawat isa sa amin everyday including my parents. Kahit non-sense actually pwedeng i-kwento, kahit chismis. Allowed kami magtanong ng mga bagay-bagay tapos sinasagot naman ng parents ko as honest and as truthful as possible. This way, nagkakaroon ng interaction yung bawat isa sa bawat member ng family. 

With Cairo, I encourage him to tell stories or ask. Kung anong nangyari sa kanya sa school, kung sinagot na ba cyan g nililigawan nya o may bago na cyang crush. Kung anong aspirations nya sa buhay or simple dreams. Ganun din ako, I let him know whats on my mind. I allow my son to know me and vice-versa. Sinasabi ko sa anak ko na tanga ako sa Math, kung anong buhay namin nung bata kami, anong uso, yung kwento ng love story namin ng prodigal mommy nya. Minsan sinsabi ko din kung medyo nahihirapan na ako sa kanya dahil minsan matigas ang ulo nya. Mga ganung bagay. Dito ko nalalaman yung nararamdaman ng anak ko, kung ano ang mga bagay na nakakapagpasaya sa kanya o hindi, kung ano ang bumubuo sa pagkatao nya, kung nasaang phase na cya ng buhay nya at kung ano na ang dapat ituro sa kanya bilang tatay(eg: sa age na ngayon pwede ng turuan ng lessons about puberty and anatomy). Mahirap pag may gap between you and your child. 


3. Time. Alam ko sa panahon ngayon kailangang kumayod ng kumayod. Afterall para sa kanila naman ang ginagawa natin. Pero, kailangan natin mag spend ng time sa anak natin. Ang hirap kung lagi tayong absent sa growing up stage ng anak natin. We should be the first one to know or hear his/her first word. Be there when he/she takes his/her first few steps at kung ano pang acrobatic movements na kaya nilang gawin. Be there sa graduation, first communion, scouting day, family day, etc. Ok lang ma miss once or twice but be sure to make up. Matalas ang memory ng mga bata at hindi madaling makalimot, maalala nila ang mga ganitong bagay kahit gaano na katagal. 

Spend quality time with your kid/s and always have time to listen to him/her. Minsan help him/her do assignments. Basta always show your kid/s na mas importante sila sa kahit anong bagay at iparamdam na may oras ka parati para sa kanila kahit gaano ka ka-busy. 

Huwag na huwag hayaang si yaya, lolo, lola, etc. ang kilalanin na magulang ni baby. Masakit ang hindi kilalanin na magulang. 


4. Absurdity & obscurity. Never go to albularyos, this is self-explanatory. As Filipinos, may mga paniniwala at kaugalian tayo na alam naman natin na walang katotohanan at dapat ng ibaon sa limot. 

Wag na wag sabihin sa anak na bawal lumabas dahil may pulis na kukuha sa kanya at isisilid cya sa loob ng sako or any other crazy things like that, mag dedevelop lang ang bata ng fear sa ibang tao at sa outside world. 

Don’t be over protective, allow them to catch some germs sometimes or go out of their comfort zone. Walang batang hindi nadudumihan. 

Never teach kids broken or grammatically incorrect English ((baby you take bathing ok?; baby don’t crying crying) and English Kris Aquino (baby lets go to the megamall na so you can laro na; baby you make kain kain na this uber sarap Cerelac). Please, magagalit si Kris Aquino dahil cya lang ang may karapatang mag salita ng ganun kay baby James. Pag kinakausap namin si Cairo, tagalog, hindi English pero marunong at nakakapagsalita cya ng grammatically correct English, self-learned by reading books. Sa school kasi nila tagalog ang medium para sa elementary, sabi nga nila kids should first learn their native tongue. Kahit hindi mo turuan mag English ang bata matututo at matututo cya kung gugustuhin nya. 

Dom's Theory: Enrolling your kids early in school or enrolling your kids in all sort of sports or talent enhancement classes will make your kids intelligent. Yes, they will sure learn a lot at an early age but more often than not, madali silang ma bo bored at ma i-stress, na nauuwi sa failure ng bata at pagkawala ng interest sa mga bagay bagay. Mas maganda kung ma discover natin kung nasaan ang potential nila at doon tayo mag focus. Mga bata sila at dapat nilang maramdama kung paano maging bata. Making them pre-occupied with tons of activities is a no-no, give them the freedom and space at wag mong gawing extension ang anak mo ng mga bagay na hindi mo nagawa before. 


5. Bonding. Aside from having time with your kid, importante din yung bonding for a much deeper connection, this will also develop “friendship” between you and your kid. In our case, dahil halos lahat ng hobbies parehas kami ni Cairo, its easy to get along with him. We play basketball and soccer. We swim together, read books, eat or go to the mall. Kailangan maramdaman ng anak mo na hindi ka lang niya magulang but friend and confidant as well. Habang lumalaki ang bata, mas nasasabi ng bata yung feelings, doubts, questions na mayroon cya, thus, alam mo ang tumatakbo sa isip nya.



To be continued….


PS: By this time, Dom and Cairo's probably flying 30,000 feet all the way to the land of milk, honey and wannabes.

5 comments:

gillboard said...

have a safe flight dom!!!!

wag limot pasalubong!!!

Chingoy said...

take 2: yung keychain ko ha?

Zai Zai said...

you may not be a perfect father, but you are a very good one! safe trip dom! enjoy! :)

domjullian said...

@ Gil & Chingoy, hangin na lang pwede?

@ Zai, thanks!

carlotta1924 said...

very sound advice from someone with experience. thanks for sharing :)

ingatzky and enjoy your trip! :)