Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Rejected Hallmark Cards


1. I always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love. And now that you've come into my life...

(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...

(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....

(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me .

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....

(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....

(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...

(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy....

(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...

Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .

9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday...

(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but wonder.....

(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking

11. I'm so miserable without you...

(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

12. Thank you for being part of my life.....

(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!

13. Congratulations on your wedding day!...

(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.

14. How can I say this....

(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me

15. Hooray.....

(Inside card) - You're divorced.

16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened...

(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.

1 7. Congrats on getting married...

(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.

18. Someday I hope to marry...

(Inside card) - Someone other than you.

19. We have been friends for a very long time...

(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

20. Love means never having to say "I'm Sorry"...

(Inside card) - I'm sorry, I don't love you at all.

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